Pelvic pain is more common than many people realize, yet it remains one of the least discussed health concerns among women.
Whether it’s painful sex, bladder issues, or chronic discomfort, speaking up about pelvic pain can feel awkward, embarrassing, or even shameful. Many of my clients are used to pushing through pain, solving problems on their own, and keeping personal struggles private.
But here’s the truth: Pelvic pain is not just “in your head,” and you don’t have to suffer in silence.
As a pelvic health expert, a published author, and a TEDx speaker, I’ve seen firsthand how unspoken pain can impact every aspect of life – your confidence, your relationships, and your ability to enjoy the activities you love.
The good news? Speaking up is the first step to healing.
If you’ve ever hesitated to talk about pelvic pain, this guide will show you how to open up, advocate for yourself, and get the support you deserve – without shame or embarrassment.
Why Is It So Hard to Talk About Pelvic Pain?
There are a few key reasons why many women struggle to bring up pelvic pain, even with healthcare providers:
1. Societal Stigma and Taboos
- Many women are conditioned to believe that topics like vaginal pain, painful sex, or incontinence are “too private” to discuss openly.
- Cultural norms often suggest that discomfort during sex is “normal” or that bladder issues are just a “part of aging.”
2. Fear of Being Dismissed
- Too many women have shared experiences of doctors brushing off their pain as stress, anxiety, or “just part of being a woman.”
- The fear of not being believed can lead women to downplay their symptoms or avoid bringing them up altogether.
3. Guilt and Self-Blame
- High-achieving women often feel like they should be able to “fix” their own problems.
- Some worry that their pain is a reflection of something they did wrong – whether that’s having a baby, aging, or not exercising enough.
But here’s the reality: Pelvic pain is a legitimate medical issue, and you have every right to talk about it, seek answers, and demand care that works for you.
The One Thing You Can Do Today: Reframe the Conversation
Instead of thinking about pelvic pain as a “private” or “shameful” issue, start seeing it for what it is: a medical condition like any other. You wouldn’t hesitate to talk to your doctor about back pain or migraines – pelvic pain deserves the same level of attention and care.
Step-by-Step Guide to Speaking Up About Pelvic Pain
Step 1: Get Clear on Your Symptoms
Before you start a conversation with a doctor, partner, or friend, take a moment to reflect on your symptoms. Consider:
- Where is the pain located? Pelvic floor, vagina, bladder, lower abdomen?
- When does it occur? During sex, exercise, sitting for long periods?
- What does it feel like? Burning, aching, stabbing, pressure?
- Are there any triggers? Stress, specific activities, menstrual cycle?
Writing down your symptoms can help you feel more confident when explaining your pain.
Step 2: Find the Right Provider
Not all healthcare providers are well-versed in pelvic health, and unfortunately, some dismiss women’s pain altogether. To increase your chances of being heard:
- Look for specialists such as pelvic health physical therapists, urogynecologists, or menopause experts.
- If a doctor dismisses your concerns, don’t be afraid to get a second opinion.
- Seek recommendations from trusted sources, like women’s health organizations or online pelvic health communities.
Step 3: Use Direct, Confident Language
When talking to a doctor, clear communication is key.
Instead of saying:
- “I have some discomfort down there.”
Try:
- “I experience sharp pain during intercourse, and it has been happening for six months.”
- “I have pelvic pressure that worsens after sitting all day.”
- “I am concerned about my bladder leakage, and I want to discuss solutions.”
The more specific you are, the harder it is for a provider to dismiss your concerns.
Step 4: Speak Up in Your Personal Life
Talking about pelvic pain isn’t just about doctors – it’s also about creating support in your relationships.
- With a partner: If pain is affecting intimacy, be honest about what’s happening. Instead of avoiding sex altogether, say, “I want to find ways to feel close to you, but I need to approach intimacy differently while I work on healing.”
- With friends or support groups: Many women feel alone in their experience, but you’d be surprised how common pelvic pain is. Finding a community – whether online or in-person – can be incredibly validating.
Step 5: Find Available Resources on Pelvic Pain
- Books and podcasts on pelvic health can help you feel more informed and empowered.
- Social media communities (like those focused on menopause, postpartum recovery, or pelvic pain) can be great places to find solidarity.
- Therapy – especially with a pelvic health or sex therapist – can help navigate the emotional side of pain.
Healing Begins with Advocacy
The biggest lesson I’ve learned in my years of helping women heal? The women who get the best results are the ones who advocate for themselves. They ask questions, they push back when they’re not taken seriously, and they don’t accept pain as their “new normal.”
If you’ve been silently struggling with pelvic pain, I encourage you to take one small step today:
- Book an appointment with a specialist.
- Start an honest conversation with your partner.
- Join an online support group.
- Simply remind yourself: Your pain is real, and you deserve answers.
Because your hole health is whole health, and you deserve to live without pain and shame.
Want to learn more about the pelvic floor and how you can support your own pelvic health? In my book Girlfriend’s Guide To Pain-Free Sex, I provide a practical framework on how to optimize the health of your “ground floor.” You will walk away with a step-by-step plan to take control of your intimate health, as well as a guide on how to talk to your sisters, friends, and daughters. This is one book you will not want to miss!
